So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
