My hand turned me down
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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