I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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