I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
