I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
The Olympian is in my bed
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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