so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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