I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
