I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
