Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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