Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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