Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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