dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
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