You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
