I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i drank out of a bidet.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
