She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
