i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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