if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
