I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
