saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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