My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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