Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
