I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
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