he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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