You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
