The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
