An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
