Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
