if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
