I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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