like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
