How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
