Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
