I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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