If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
