I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
