the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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