I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
