I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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