I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
