i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Vodka?
Forever.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
