Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
