You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
