i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
There are leaves in my underwear?
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