so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
she told me i tasted like america
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
