So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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