I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
