I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
