Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
