On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
