I think im going to throw up on grandma
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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