I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
