WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
