you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
