How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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