hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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