I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
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Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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