I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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