"it" just moved
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
