moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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