the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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