Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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