i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
