Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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