You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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