You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
