yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
