the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
