it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
