Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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