i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Randomize
