thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
