He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
