Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
