Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
