Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize