fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
