I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize