that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
