a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
