Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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