I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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