Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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