Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
